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[IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF CLOWNS!! But into the NOT PIZZA DAHAT they go...]

It was after that hand freak unzipped the air to show us the flower field with our people in it.

[me realizing this means timeline-wise they got the reveal before anyone else since they were trapped in the cage for multiple days which is hilarious honestly.]

After I got out of that place, I was in the cage and that weird rat was there with the key but it wouldn't let us out.

[ He has so many questions but he must face the sobering reality that he will get answers for none of them, even if more are popping up by the minute. Still, he will achieve his inner zen and just listens to all of this like 'that's neat,' as he must when it comes to certain people.

Obikawa… ]

Good thing you guys didn't have to spend the entire month in there… man. That's one way to go crazy. But to your welcoming here and your escape! Both are pretty worthwhile causes to celebrate.

[ pfft. ]

Do you know what kind of pizza you want?

[He could ask more questions but it is very true that there's a high possibility they will simply never be answered in a satisfactory way, just by virtue of who and what he is as a creature.]

There's no way it would have gone on that long! Toe would have shot that rat before then.

[WHICH AGAIN WOULD HAVE PROBABLY BEEN A MERCY. This rat really had to endure so much and for what. But he'll move up to the counter wahoo!!]

I like anything! As long as it isn't corn and mayo.

Should we make a super pizza? Add all the toppings besides corn and mayo?

[ FOCUSES ON WHAT MAKES SENSE (super pizza) INSTEAD OF WHAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE (toes shooting rats, though, tbf, this is somewhat easier to make sense of over everything else…) ]

[THE BAR IS REALLY ON THE FLOOR HERE... He seems immediately enamored with this idea, though, my god.]

Woah! Yeah, let's do it! I've never had a super pizza before!

[ why are they getting along so well aki i'm in tears

NOT THE IMMEDIATE APPROVAL OF SUPER PIZZA!!!! MY GOD ]

Yeah? Yeah?? It's been a while since anyone's spoken my language! Let's do it!

[ beelines for the kiosk. this is about to be such a disaster. ]

[IT'S AN UNFORTUNATE ENERGY HERE...]

We should put double of the best toppings, too! That way it'll be twice as good.

[Is that how it works.]

[ it is totally how it works. why not just have your favourite things all the time every time? isn't that practically an infinite happiness glitch? ]

Oh, for sure. Double cheese, double meat. What else do you you think we should double up on?

[ at this rate they are not picking up a slice without it dropping all its spaghetti ]

[THIS IS REALLY JUST GOING TO BE A PIZZA THEY HAVE TO EAT WITH SPOONS.]

Mushrooms are good! And bell peppers. Make sure to get pepperoni and sausage, too. Also the crispy little hams! Not the big floppy ones.

[ IS THIS JUST… A BURRITO BOWL…??? SANS BURRITO? me who has never had chipotle or a burrito bowl in my life ]

Crispy little hams… bacon? All of that's counted under double meat so you're good. Unless you wanted triple of those specifically.

[ but they need those floppy ones to go with the pineapple, obikawa. hmmm. one order of that, then. ]

[YOU HAVENT? oh my god there really is something about just a big bowl of many things mixed together. I GUESS IT IS...A BURRITO PIZZA BOWL..........]

Triple! [TRIPLE BACON WITH ALL THESE OTHER TOPPINGS why not. He really said ham and pineapple is good but if you're getting double you should only get double bacon. And then it became triple bacon.]

You can't go wrong with more of things. Unless they're bad, and then you can.

[hashtag words of wisdom]

[ the mexican here is so dire that no one told me to have it unless i swing over to seattle, tears up

But I also agree that bacon makes everything better… TRIPLE bacon? That's how you make things three times as good. ]

No such thing as too much of a good thing, true!

[ He doesn't even subscribe to this logic but he's in Rome and doing as the Romans. He's perfectly happy to just go along with it, and way too many button presses later, super pizza is officially up to be made in the kitchen! He looks around with interest. ]

Think we can catch where it's being made?

[oh that's so sadge... next time you are back... time to get u some good food even tho cali does it better...

TRIPLE BACON! He appreciates the energy of someone just going along with his insane bullshit.]

Yeah, right? [It's so true! It's not true at all but it's so true! ANYWAY. He just pats the counter.] Wanna hop it and look?

[ I LIKE HOW EVEN YOU'RE LIKE… BUT ELSEWHERE IS BETTER… one day i will have excellent mexican cuisine ]

Let's go!!

[ hops over

This probably looks so incredibly obscene… every frat bro's wet dream after a night of partying, or something. But the longer it goes on, the more Elysium's kind of like ? at these ingredients spawning out of nowhere… these invisible hands… it is one thing to look at a screen of these ingredients, another seeing them put together. ]

Huh. Somehow, this wasn't what I was expecting.

[ YOU DID THIS ]

[LISTEN IT'S JUST FACT THAT THE CLOSER YOU GET TO MEXICO THE BETTER THE MEXICAN FOOD IS.

This is so fucking funny though HE ALSO HOPS OVER except he immediately gets distracted from the mission and starts rummaging around in the little drawers and stuff that hide behind the counter. Whenever he wanders back to Elysium his hands are full of parmesan cheese packets and marinara sauce dipping containers.]

Oh. Yeah, huh. How's that even happening?

[ The ingredients keep going… and going… and going…

… ]

Who knows. Say. How's your appetite today?

[ OBIKAWA PLEASE BE THE RESTAURANT MVP WHO LETS THE REST OF THE TABLE ORDER EVERYTHING THEY WANT WITHOUT FEAR OF LEFTOVERS!!!! ]

[He does not seem at all daunted by this growing mountain of pizza...]

Good! It's good every day, though.

[HE'S THAT MVP!!! He will eat everything... If he can't fit it in his human body he will simply eat it as a snake.]

[ at what point does it stop being pizza when the crust is no longer visible and it's like 1% of its total composition. He continues watching in contained abject horror. ]

Woooo! [ WHY IS HE GOING WOOO? He's cheering Obikawa on. ] You've totally got this, then.

[ this really went from 'we' to 'you'

but anyway

pizza done. The invisible hands seem to struggle to get it to the serving window, and even then, will it fit…? The suspense is real. They're really out-menacing a cursed location. ]

[DON'T JUST GO WOOO?????]

Woooo! [ALSO GOES WOOOO.] Wow, it ended up being huge?

[WHY DOES HE SOUND KIND OF SURPRISED, HE WATCHED THIS HAPPEN. But it... squeezes through the delivery window... shedding some of its precious toppings as it goes. But it's fine. Because there is more. There is so much more.

Once it's mostly on the other side, Obikawa will pick it up from the bottom box tray thing it's sitting on and start scooting back.]

Tell me where to go because I'm not gonna be able to see around this thing!

[ that's what she said

suddenly gets ptsd trying to backseat hak in the bostco parking lot. Just kidding. He just frets in place because up close? THIS THING IS EVEN MORE MASSIVE!!! woah, before quickly nodding and moving around to stand in front then off to the side. ]

Forward five steps, right three. There'll be a table in front of you to set it down.

[ Obikawa is doing such a good job of carrying it but from the sheer weight of toppings it may become a literal leaning tower of pizza(?). ]

[NOT THE BACKSEAT DRIVING. The way Hak had to suffer through Obikawa's driving while high later so the fates truly just have a way of making everything work out in the end... or something.

But! He will take five steps forward and three to the right, and then scoot forward until he bumps into the table. PLACES IT... Not exactly the most carefully, so some of the toppings go slip-slidin' off but it's fine. It is definitely leaning...]

Yeah! We made it, no casualties!

[ what would count as a casualty if not the strays on the floor

Them getting buried underneath pizza? Hmmm. But that's beside the point because the worst has come to pass. Some would argue that would be the pizza itself, and Elysium may start to feel that way very soon—but for now, there's a victory to ride, and he's already holding his hand up high. ]

We did, we did—! High five, man! Wanna do us the honours?

[A casualty would be a whole topping avalanche... Or that yes. Pizza burial that someone else would have to excavate them from. How embarrassing.

GIVES A HIGH-FIVE THOUGH. VICTORY!!! WHAT DID THEY EVEN WIN HERE.]

High five, high five! Let me cut some off of this--

[Hops back over the counter real quick to get a plastic knife. Hops back. Starts sawing for like 4 seconds at this piece before realizing it is a pointless endeavor and simply trying to peel a slice away from the rest of the mountain one little wiggle at a time.]

We should have just made it into a bowl.

[ this icon with obikawa's bakery just out there

But Elysium watches this happen in morbid fascination. Thinks about how this entire pizza is just lukewarm so all the cheeses likely aren't cheesing… where is the elusive and desired cheese pull?

Nowhere. ]

Yeah? I'm thinking we need the momentum from an entire guillotine to get a clean cut out of this thing. But then—! We wouldn't have been able to say we made a super pizza.

[ clearly this is the most important point ]

[please understand that enosumi draws his ass so lovingly at any chance she can get. behold. witness.

Anyway his expression lights up like HEY WAIT A SECOND, YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING?]

If you cut it with a guillotine, then isn't that even more of a super pizza? It is! [Also, imagine the WILDNESS of just being able to say you ate a pizza too big to fit through the order window AND it was cut by guillotine. AMAZING.]

Should we?!

inbox / purgastory.

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