transmit | inbox / purgastory.

[ this expression is so funny. ]

Yes? There are nicer ways to get my attention.

"I—"

[ ...

He stops himself. Hien may be small, but his thoughts sound... noisy. Does Elysium want to focus? ]

"Never mind."

[ He hums in acknowledgement, just continuing on in the direction he was already headed.

But focusing on the things around him is just another day—and so is the thoughtsharing mechanic. So, sure. ]

[ Hien quietly sighs as Elysium walks. Hien's thoughts sound like a cacophony of similar voices just blending together. They don't sound like Hien exactly, but...

"I wish he would love me back, but... it's fine if he doesn't."
"Oh my god my phone just died. My login bonus..."
"Will I ever get better?"
"I miss Sophie..."
"If I had all the time in the world, I would want to know everything about you. I love you."
"Did Michelle pick up the baby...?" ]

[ Huh.

Is there one that sounds exactly like Hien's? He's going to ignore everything else in favour of honing in on that. ]

[ They all sound very similar to Hien, but not quite like him. It's hard to weed Hien's specific thoughts in the midst of all this noise, but Elysium will eventually hear something that sounds exactly like Hien:

"People here are so kind, but it's starting to feel like I'm being gaslit." ]

[ They've probably been walking in enough silence that it isn't that strange for Elysium to pipe up with what he does. Eventually: ]

What's on your mind? This ride doesn't come free, just so you know.

[ If Hien doesn't want to talk about it, Hien doesn't want to talk about it. Simple as. He isn't going to force it beyond this. ]

"Huh? Oh."

[ Hien is usually forthright, straightforward, and honest, so it doesn't take much to say what's on his mind. ]

"Why are you interested in me?"

[ It's just that his thoughts either move fast, jump miles ahead without context, or doesn't exist at all. ]

[ That's fine. He'll only address whatever Hien chooses to say, just like how he hadn't acknowledged any of his memories unless he did so first.

He chooses to answer Hien's question with one of his own: ]

Do you think we're similar, Hien?

"I think... we share some similarities."

[ Particularly about the possibility of either of them dying or "leaving" soon.

Yes, that thought is being projected. Didn't Hien say that he didn't die? Yeah. ]

No, it was something else.

[ There's an amused sound all the same, with something like a "Really? That's what he thought of first?" as his hand comes up again to poke at Hien's side. ]

I would've done the same as you. If I had the power to save the people who matter to me… I would try, and try, and try again, no matter how many times it took. I guess I felt something like a camaraderie with you. In that court of law, I could've been as equally guilty.

[ "I don't even remember those times, but my body feels it all the same."

Hien is poked and tries to keep his balance on the shoulder. ]

"No matter how many times they kept dying?"

[ No hesitation: ]

If there's even the smallest chance they could be saved. Yeah.

"Do you have someone like that?"

[ His voice is a little quieter than usual. ]

"Someone who you'd do that for?"

… I would have to, to be able to relate.

[ He even matches his voice to Hien's. ]

The ending will probably be the same, too. Someone always has to leave first, and much too soon, at that.

[ "He really reminds me of how I used to be." ]

"... Sorry."

Aw, why are you sorry? That's just how life is.

[ … ]

We have to make our now count more than ever.

[ "If only it were that easy. You have to think about the people who get left behind." ]

"I try to live in the present as much as I can."

[ That's just how he works in general. ]

"Stop overthinking too much."

Keyword's try, huh?

[ How long has he been walking now? A stupidly long time. Still, at least he's managed to reach his destination. Hope Hien likes his astrology, because it's the star room. ]

I'll stop overthinking if you do. You've got an entire party going on in your head, bro.

[ Elysium's gonna find out real soon whether Hien likes astrology or not. ]

"That's what I deal with all the time when I'm conscious. I hear too many of these voices to the point that I went insane at some point. Took a long time to stop being insane and some more time to figure out how to filter it so that I could pay attention to my surrounding environment too."

[ Other than that, Hien is mostly no thoughts, head empty. ]

"Why are we here?"

Must be real convenient for you this week, then. I had to listen really closely to hear your voice—which, sorry by the way, I just got curious enough to see if you were in there. Didn't really hear anything important.

[ But more pertinently: ]

I just like looking at the stars, why? Don't feel like stargazing with me?

"I don't mind. There's little that I'd hide with anyone who knows of my true nature already."

[ That he's a world eater, probably going to file for cessation of existence some time soon, etc.

Hien also looks up. ]

"No, I like it... I can't tell you much about constellations though, like the box with the tail."

[ Ursa minor...................... ]

[ Not the cessation of existence… ]

It's not like I can tell you anything about them either, you know? The stars back home aren't anything like the ones here. I just think they're nice. Relaxing, I guess.

[ Well. It had been nice to learn about he existence of the Polaris, and that it wasn't just something people had pulled out of nowhere. His eyes settle on its constellation, mouth a wistful smile. ]

What do you do with your time here? Besides getting into trouble?

"Think about how I'm on a vacation while people suffer around me."

[ Sure!!! He also looks up. ]

"... 'When I look up at the stars, I feel so small and insignificant. But you... you look like you're right at home under the night sky'..."

[ He tilts his head. ]

"What do you think about that quote?"

It really isn't so bad when you aren't being dragged deeper into the mazes. Still, there are a bunch of us who I think should've never gotten involved. [ There's a slight laugh. ] You're funny, Hien.

[ Shout out to all of you eighteen-year-olds… But he tips his head, mulling over the quote as if it's something he hasn't already turned over countless times before, an amused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. ]

I'd wonder why the person feels so small and insignificant. Not because I don't understand the feeling, but because we're all responsible for our own actions. There are things you can't change, sure, and there are times where you're truly powerless. But sometimes, it's enough to do what you can do and let that be enough.

Even people who feel at home can get lonely. A star shines just as brightly whether or not anyone is there to see it—its light still travels somewhere. Still… I think it's a little sad if there's no one there to look up and appreciate it properly.

What do you think?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject