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You really don't realize how many holes were in your head until it's back.

[ to the point where he isn't even sure what to say. or, just, what's appropriate to say. ]

[ Hmm.

What happens when he tries to pull Thorns onto his lap? ]

[ he goes along with the pull without any resistance, plopping down on him. he only shifts so that it's more comfortable. ]

Yes?

… I didn't want to be the only one getting comfortable.

[ Back hugs and rests his chin on Thorns' shoulder.

…

But also sneaks his fingers under Thorns' shirt because he had seemed intent on wanting to warm them. Thank you. 🥺 ]

[ he is such a brat...

thorns isn't complaining though. he returns to being quiet, listening to elysium breathe against him. ]

I thought of an answer to your question. But I wanted to ask you something first.

So soon? You just got your memories back.

[ … ]

Shoot.

You asked what I wanted, but what about you?

[ they have both more or less agreed to try to be more open with each other, but that is something that is still going to take work. you can't completely change how you process and react to things in just a few days. ]

I thought it was obvious after I told you about the necklace.

[ A quiet laugh, as his arms around Thorns tightens. ]

I just want you to be happy. But… it'd be nice if we could be happy together.

[ he leans more against him. ]

... I just wanted to be sure. In case there are others.

[ there is that pang of jealousy again that he is trying very hard to not be noticeable. he is aware it is likely him making a mountain out of a mole hill but it's somehow difficult to be logical when it comes to this. ]

[ His mouth finds its way down his neckline, pressing a single kiss to his nape. ]

… Do you think that because of earlier?

[ When he was the one fawning over Rafayel? So funny. ]

I told you before, and I'll keep telling you if you want me to: there's you and only you. … At what capacity you want that to hold true is up to you. But you have to tell me.

... I think we'll need some work.

[ there is still so much they need to work through, and talk about, before they are on the same page about so many things. he could also point out that he was clearly cursed in regards to rafayel, and he manages not to.

but. but. ]

You acted surprised that I decided so quickly. My memories returning only cemented the impact you had on me. Elysium, my arm may be a compass, but you have been pointing me to the right direction far before I had this.

Just some? All the people giving me grief earlier would say otherwise.

[ He plays it off as something to laugh at, even as his fingers curl into warmer skin.

He doesn't know how long he has. He doesn't know how often he'll be able to visit the Cuna de Nene. Their lives aren't something either of them can set aside and he's made his peace with that, with or without the decision to become something more. In some ideal version of the world, Thorns would find the person he's meant to be with—someone who could stay by his side day in, day out, the person he could grow to old age with. And this doesn't even begin to cover Thorns' side of it—his life is just as dangerous, if not more so.

But this isn't some ideal version of the world Elysium wishes exists. They're living in their version of it, one where pain comes hand in hand with happiness and both have to be accepted. ]

… All my realisations came when I didn't have my memories, ironically enough. I may want you to be happy, but… you're such a big part of me, Thorns. So much of what I've done and what I want to do exists because of you, that I was forced to acknowledge how much of a black box my life had become just losing you.

[ … ]

Haha. I thought I was really ridiculous, letting someone like that out of my grasp. I knew, objectively, what my reasons were—but on paper, they don't really hold weight, do they?

Especially if I'm anywhere near half as important to you.

I wish you could see how much you do for everyone.

[ he closes his eyes, letting the words sink in.

it does make how skittish elysium was around him make more sense, when thorns just assumed that the guy was weirded out over thorns insisting they were friends. but... he supposes he has assumed a lot about things that eventually led to their relationship being deeply strained.

thorns may be better at handling certain things, but part of that growth had to do with returning to iberia and meeting his crew, so losing those memories greatly hindered his ability to genuinely discuss how he felt about his cyoa. it was easier to explain events to the others, since he could do that like he was reading a book, but he floundered when it came to elysium.

he can still visualize the simulation, the other version of him that invited elysium to go with him. something that thorns isn't sure he'd actually do. not because he doesn't want elysium with him, but because he is a much bigger asset to rhodes island than thorns is. ]

I don't know how good I'd be at any of this. But I want to be with you.

Who's been helping you this entire time, huh? [ He nips at Thorns' neck like an annoying little peck. He isn't addressing the other part as that currently isn't the point. ] You'll be fine as long as you follow my lead.

That said, I'm not sure how good I'll be, either. I've got a stable job, great benefits, and practically unlimited PTO because I rarely take it. And therein lies the problem, right?

… But if it's us, I know we can make it work.

[ hm...

he eventually turns, just enough so that he can look at elysium even if it's an awkward position to sit in. ]

We will. [ he leans in, so he can whisper into elysium's ear. ] I am giving you my heart, Elysium.

[ It's okay, Thorns' legs can dangle off to the side… or he can straddle him in this library, it's fine. Everyone's probably still at the river, and even then, who's coming here when the other library exists?

Fingers tentatively touch Thorns' cheek, careful to mind the temperature. When he's sure they aren't too cold, he cups it gently, tilting him to face back towards him directly. ]

I'm pretty sure you've always had mine. But just in case you need the reminder, it's yours, too. Keep it well, mi tesoro.

[ A kiss to his mouth, more chaste than any other. Like he's truly handling something precious. ]

[ listen, there was a specific reason he chose to meet up here and it's precisely because he was aware no one would go here. they could have gone to their room but the housing area is the second most likely place to have crowding after the river.

he kisses him back, and buries his face against his neck.

there is still a lot to work on. they may be from the same world, but they would still be long distance. and while thorns is still technically employed by rhodes, the next time he'll be on the landship would likely just be if his ship and it just happen to be close by to each other. they have busy schedules. but... it's worth it, to make it work. ]

Mm. Come to me if you need anything.

Are you thinking of something specific when you say that? It sounds like you are.

[ It's his turn to whisper into Thorns' ear: ]

I try to keep myself prepared these days. So… that's really up to you.

[ —then he just bites down, pulling away after with a smile that's as bright in mischief as it is delight. ]

[ annoying... he moves again, this time to actually straddle him. hi.

he knows there's still the faint remains of bruising on elysium, and he is aware it's not something he can really mind when the two of them were only friends when he got them. but there is an intense urge to cover any evidence with his own mouth.

it is that contradiction of wanting elysium to be free to do what he wants but also wanting to hold his hand very tightly. it's fine. ]

Did you bring the cat pajamas too?

[ lol ]

[ It's funny—how much time he's spent wondering what a home is, only to realise it's been right beside him all along. For a moment, he just looks up at Thorns from an angle he's never had before, heart thudding soft and steady in his chest. His thumb brushes his cheek, tracing along the contours of his skin and bone before he leans in for another kiss. ]

Is that what you're into? [ Without pulling away, eyes crease with mirth. ] It's too bad I'm a Liberi and not a Feline. No redos. I wouldn't mind asking you to call you a good boy again, though. But—you're going to have to work for it again.

[ thinks about how rafayel did this do them. But it's whispered between breaths, tongue and teeth both coaxing Thorns' mouth open, with emphasis on the one phrase that'd started it all. ]

… I hope this goes without saying, but you're the only one I want this with. There's no telling what this place will put us through, but will you trust me? To always find my way due north?

[ well, they can't have lust week twice so it'll probably be fine. ignores that the upcoming week is probably greed which we will see if it is bad in one hour.

but thorns will open his mouth to give elysium access, his hands gripping the front of his shirt to make sure they have as much contact as possible. unfortunately his brain still has memories of being a wh*re at a brothel. ]

I trust you. I'll always make my way back to you, even with all the curses.

[ there's really no escaping them, but at least they can always regroup once they have passed. ]

[ yeah francy it's our turn to get in the cage… BUT NOT HIS BROTHEL MEMORIES!!!!! Unfortunately, Elysium's lived too loosely in the past two weeks to really think about it, greedily mapping the space of Thorns' mouth with his tongue. Every breath Thorns draws belongs to him, like it's his own—proof, maybe, that there's no filling in the gaps with other people, no matter how desperately you try.

He knows he should feel worse about it. He probably will, once the haze lifts. But it doesn't change the truth of it: this is the only place he wants to be. ]

I might get jealous. I might get petty. [ He absolutely will get jealous and petty. ] But you'll forgive me, too, won't you?

[ Which might explain why the hands already beneath his skin are shifting, tugging, intent on peeling away layers without a shred of decorum. He really should have some… alas… He does not have the excuse of his AU self having wh*re memories implanted in him, he's just out here. ]

Hm. You'll just have to make it up to me after, right?

[ well, thorns is at least aware that he will be annoying about that if it happens. but it's something he is fine with. in the end, those are all parts of elysium who makes him who he is, much like how elysium has dealt with thorns' more frustrating personality traits.

but he will easily help elysium remove pieces of clothing, and will do the same in turn. he only stops when it gets to the point where he'd have to actually move off his lap to go any further. ]

You're kind of forward.

Mhm. We live in an equitable society. But you're the one who has to make up for being naughty first…

[ By the time layers of clothing have been shed, his mouth finds Thorns' pulse, fingers tracing down the length of his abdomen before slipping beneath the waistband of his pants. ]

I've had plenty of time to think about what I want. You don't think I've wasted enough time dragging my feet? [ A bite this time. ] I have to make you forget about the brothels.

[ he is trying not to react too much, but it's difficult to hide the way his breath hitches and how his hold tightens as elysium moves downwards. ]

Okay. [ okay! ] How are you going to do that?

[ thorns admittedly would also want to forget that, but. they did not actually really discuss thorns' au self, so thorns was under the impression that it did not bother elysium. ]

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