transmit | inbox / purgastory.

Things about having crushes and love.

[ thorns was the worst student in the world because it just all went over his head.

but maybe elysium would have enjoyed it... ]

[ He is learning so much about Thorns. He is also learning so much about himself. Or maybe he's always known these things about himself…? ]

Huh. What were your takeaways?

That it was all very complicated.

[ apparently you can get a crush on someone because you hate them? it's all too confusing to him... ]

There's too many layers.

[ He glances back up at Thorns… ]

For you, it's probably enough that the other person is reliable, right?

[ it's not a topic that he thinks about, but he supposes that sounds right. he really didn't understand how isabeau would have the time to even worry about all of that. ]

I guess...

[ well, it's not something he has to worry about. ]

Do you think about that kind of stuff?

Not really. Don't you think it'd be a bit irresponsible if I did? Besides, I get the sense I'm pretty content with how things are.

[ Is he… But that's not something either of them have to worry about, apparently. ]

What made you want to sit in on the class? Your buddy could've given you advice. He's not known for offering solid advice for no reason.

I was just walking by and asked what he was doing.

[ more of a curiosity of the general activity than the topic. but getting cursed to be exes with edamura did give him more insight to it than he had before.

which elysium had missed..... ]

I don't need actual advice for this.

[ He'd drop this topic so fast on a normal day. ]

Weren't you just saying it was super complicated and had too many layers? We have time. I can break it down for you.

[ when is elysium going to find out thorns has an ex-husband… so much happens when you're out there fighting for your life ]

[ this is so surreal when it's still a topic that thorns does not really care about but considering amnesiac elysium has a habit of running away randomly from him then thorns needs to keep him in place.

beau had tried to break it down... maybe elysium will say the same thing as him... ]

Fine. Explain.

[ has thorns considered that he was only running away because he was being oddly cagey about their relationship, leading him to playing detective with his own memories.

Which, you know, has contributed to this whole chain of events and selective amnesiac Elysium wondering what the fuck is wrong with them. ]

Where did he start losing you?

[ don't say the beginning.

experimentally, he tries lacing their fingers. ]

The beginning. [ okay. ] Why would you be interested in someone you hate?

[ he glances at the shift. elysium is.... getting comfortable? ]

That's what he started off with?

[ He is also learning things about Isabeau now. Okay.

And yes… he is… He even scoots a little closer, totally not unusual at this point considering they're two friends comfortably chatting while comfortably holding hands. ]

I mean… technically, the worst you can feel about someone is indifference. If you hate them, you're still spending energy thinking about them you wouldn't otherwise. But that's a hyper-specific edge case.

The way I'd explain it is that there are two main categories of crushes: infatuation and comfort. Hate would fall in the former.

[ the funniest thing is that thorns' takeaway right now is that elysium does this with his other friends but not with him, since it took amnesia for this to happen.

that's fine. ]

Huh. What do you consider the difference?

[ That is probably not wrong. There are plenty of things he deliberately avoids bringing up with Thorns, whether because he knows Thorns would be entirely uninterested or because it veers into dangerous territory.

Thank you, Elite OPs, for serving as his fellow gossip girls…… ]

One of them hits harder, at least superficially. They're usually built on first impressions or a few curated ones, and you're pulled to them without really knowing why. You kind of end up building a fantasy of them and what the two of you could be.

The other kind… you can go years without realising it's even a crush. It's familiarity, trust, comfort. Easily qualities you'd assign to close friends or family. The main thing is, there's no sense of urgency. You're just happy to be with them.

It's, um, easier to identify the first one because the physicality of it gives it away. Are you still following?

[ they're bumping shoulders now. ]

Yeah...

[ this still seems complicated, but relationships always are. he only recently started having to be more open because of his role as captain forces him to get involved in the lives of his crew in order to build trust, but it's still a learning curve when that isn't his default state of being.

but adding a whole other layer to it? crazy... ]

The second one sounds nicer.

[ suddenly becoming obsessed with a person sounds weird. thorns would not work as a twilight protagonist. ]

[ pascuala would be like imagine wanting to bang anastasio ]

Right? You don't seem to care that much that a super handsome guy is sitting next to you. That rules out the first entirely.

[ she would single-handedly forever turn thorns off from the idea of dating with that statement.

but okay, at least elysium is sounding more like himself around thorns... he knows he still doesn't remember, but some of that initial awkwardness is gone. and now replaced by this. ]

I sit next to you all the time.

[ By this. Whatever this is. ]

Mm. [ half-hearted acknowledgement. ] Was there anything else you didn't get?

[ he looks at him curiously. ]

I didn't understand how you'd realize when you find someone like that.

[ He closes his eyes, resting his weight against Thorns'. He doesn't see anything. ]

That's more ambiguous because it changes from person to person. But from where I stand, it usually comes down to how much you want to matter to them and vice versa. Do you want to know everything about them? Do you want to be the first person they turn to? The one who hears things before the rest of the world does? Things like that.

[ 'Things like that,' meaning there's more. The way he puts it sounds kind of nebulous, like he doesn't particularly subscribe to any of those categories. ]

[ they are never going to talk about any of this ever again.

Hm. You know a lot.

[ granted, this seems like a popular gossip topic so he can't be too surprised.

... ]

Do you still have my coin?

Did you know my Captain's the biggest gossip onboard? She looooooves it when romance is in the air. Next time you see her, chat her up about it! She'll look like she's really enjoying herself.

[ That's his excuse!!!!! Her pixel smile to match Thorns' pixel smile. But at the question, he starts rummaging through his pocket. ]

Oh! Right. I guess I can give it back now. [ holds it out flat on his palm. ] It served me pretty well.

[ thorns still doesn't care about gossip but sure. maybe he can fight her (delusional).

he carefully picks the coin back up. ]

Why did you need it?

[ He's immediately back to making himself comfortable. ]

I used it to figure out what to do with you.

[ ?????

what does this mean. ]

What does that mean?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject